biblegateway.com sends me an email every day with verses from the Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms, and Proverbs. It is the plan that allows you to read the entire Bible in a year. I have been a Christian almost my entire life and I am ashamed to say I have never read through the entire Bible. I have started other reading plans many times over the course of my lifetime, but have never successfully finished because I would forget to read for a few days, then try to go catch up and get discouraged. I like biblegateway.com because all of the verses are laid out for you in one place.
No, this is not a commercial, I do not get any money for endorsing their website. I just really like it. I have decided that this year, I am going to take control over this area of my life and make it happen. I have created a better morning schedule for myself so that I have time to read my daily Bible readings.
Another reason I have fallen behind in my reading in the past is that I get bogged down in the sections of the old testament that I either don't understand or that are just plain boring. Now, I know that doesn't sound very spiritual, but yes, I will admit that some parts of the Bible bore me to tears. So for these sections of the Bible, I am going to still read through them, but I am going to keep my expectations low. I may not understand them now, but I am hoping that if I keep reading that it will sink into my dense little brain at least a little bit.
Please don't get me wrong, I love to read the Bible and there are so many places of the Bible that have spoken to me and that I have learned so much from! But, there is still so much that I really dont get.
As my own kids are learning how to read, they don't always understand every book they read, but I encourage them to keep reading books so that they will gradually get better at it and gain more understanding by pressing on. I am treating myself as a child learning to read. I may not understand everything I read, but if I am diligent in the practice of daily Bible reading, over time more of it will hopefully make sense. If God can perform many amazing miracles, then He surely can allow me to have more understanding of His word. That will truly be a miracle in my life!!
I really don't have any particular reason for writing all of this, other than to just get my thoughts out and share them. I am hoping that this encourages at least one person to read their Bible. It really is an amazing book. I am planning on making my blog into a sort of commentary of what I read every day and what God is teaching me through it. I learn best by writing about what I read, and hopefully it will encourage someone in the process. It will be like reading my own personal journal!
Wednesday, February 8, 2017
Monday, February 6, 2017
The Pit
As someone who had struggled with depression for most of my life, I really relate with this passage from Psalm 30.
1 I praise You, Eternal One. You lifted me out of that deep, dark pit
and denied my opponents the pleasure of rubbing in their success.
2 Eternal One, my True God, I cried out to You for help;
You mended the shattered pieces of my life.
3 You lifted me from the grave with a mighty hand,
gave me another chance,
and saved me from joining those in that dreadful pit.
4 Sing, all you who remain faithful!
I have always thought of depression as a pit, so when I read this today, it made me realize that I am not the only one that feels that way. David in the Bible, thousands of years ago, felt that way also! Keeping my eyes focused on Jesus has been the only thing that has kept me out of depression.
Yesterday, I wrote about walking on water and avoiding focusing on the waves. I have had so many waves overtake me since I was a little kid. I didn't know how to handle them, so I internalized and kept it all buried deep down. That was my pit. It kept me prisoner so that all I could see were the problems and not The Solution. But, what I didn't realize was that He was sitting right there next to me in the pit, just waiting for me to look at Him. I struggled trying to find a way to dig myself out of the pit without help. It wasn't until I came to Him and asked for His help that I was lifted out into His firm foundation.
It started with praise and thankfulness. I began to just focus on Him and thank him for all of the good things in my life. My kids. A roof over my head. Air in my lungs. A bed to sleep in. No matter who you are or what is going on in your life, you have SOMETHING to be thankful for. Even if you only have one thing to be thankful for, thank Him and give him the credit for that one thing. That is the first step for getting out of the pit. Your own personal pit may not be depression like it was for me, but if there is something in your life that makes you feel like a prisoner, you can escape!
1 I praise You, Eternal One. You lifted me out of that deep, dark pit
and denied my opponents the pleasure of rubbing in their success.
2 Eternal One, my True God, I cried out to You for help;
You mended the shattered pieces of my life.
3 You lifted me from the grave with a mighty hand,
gave me another chance,
and saved me from joining those in that dreadful pit.
4 Sing, all you who remain faithful!
I have always thought of depression as a pit, so when I read this today, it made me realize that I am not the only one that feels that way. David in the Bible, thousands of years ago, felt that way also! Keeping my eyes focused on Jesus has been the only thing that has kept me out of depression.
Yesterday, I wrote about walking on water and avoiding focusing on the waves. I have had so many waves overtake me since I was a little kid. I didn't know how to handle them, so I internalized and kept it all buried deep down. That was my pit. It kept me prisoner so that all I could see were the problems and not The Solution. But, what I didn't realize was that He was sitting right there next to me in the pit, just waiting for me to look at Him. I struggled trying to find a way to dig myself out of the pit without help. It wasn't until I came to Him and asked for His help that I was lifted out into His firm foundation.
It started with praise and thankfulness. I began to just focus on Him and thank him for all of the good things in my life. My kids. A roof over my head. Air in my lungs. A bed to sleep in. No matter who you are or what is going on in your life, you have SOMETHING to be thankful for. Even if you only have one thing to be thankful for, thank Him and give him the credit for that one thing. That is the first step for getting out of the pit. Your own personal pit may not be depression like it was for me, but if there is something in your life that makes you feel like a prisoner, you can escape!
Sunday, February 5, 2017
The First Day
I have never liked the phrase, "today is the first day of the rest of your life", because in reality, every day is the first day of the rest of your life. Yet, here I am in a position where that phrase is exactly what fits my life. You see, I have been waiting for my life to be perfect before I start writing again. I started this blog many years ago, and I knew it was exactly what I needed to do. I am a writer. That is how I process things. I love to type out my feelings, or better yet, I absolutely love the feel of that perfect pen gliding along the paper of my journal as I write out my emotions. But then life got hard and I put just about all of my writing aside except for occasional journal writing.
Today I was challenged to use my talents and abilities that I know I need to be using. I think about writing every day. I know that I have a deep rooted need to write, but I get so busy with my life so I don't do it. It just gets put aside. Today I am challenging myself to make time to do it. Today my life is so very not perfect. It is so far from perfect I don't know if I could see perfect with binoculars.
I am a single mom with four kids. I live with my parents. I am getting divorced from a man I was married to for almost 20 years. After we were separated for several months, I fell in love with a man who lives two hours away. That relationship didn't work out, so here I am starting life over yet again. So, here goes. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. And I am in control of my life... no, wait I am so very not in control of my life. I am trying for the first time to actually let Jesus have control of my life.
Ok, before you judge and say that I should have already let Jesus have control of my life years ago, let me explain. I have given Him control of my life many times, but I keep taking it right back. You do the same thing. Don't deny it. You pray, but then you go about your life changing nothing. I know because I do the same thing. I pray and tell Jesus about all my troubles. That is what I called giving Jesus control. But what I am learning now more and more is that I have still been focusing on my problems.
Three years ago, I wrote about Peter walking on water, so I love that I have come full circle and God is still teaching me the same lessons. He has put this passage on my heart again. First of all, it is amazing that Peter walked on water. People focus on the fact that he fell, but the fact that he stepped out of the boat is amazing.
One day last week, I read this passage and I was wondering how it was possible for a man to actually walk on water. I still have way too much baby weight from my four pregnancies and I am very buoyant, but there is no way I could ever walk on water. I am going to fall into the water no matter how much I try to walk. So how did Peter do it?
First, Jesus told him to do it. I don't think every person can walk on water in every circumstance, but I believe with my whole heart that if Jesus tells you to do something, he is going to create a situation where you will step into a firm foundation. Jesus is your foundation. It doesn't matter where you are, you can always rely on Jesus to catch you if you obey Him.
How did Peter have a foundation in water? Water is liquid, there is no substance to hold any human no matter what their size or weight. So where did the substance come from to hold him up? Faith.
Hebrews 11:1
11 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Peter had no doubt that when Jesus told him to step out of that boat, the water would hold him. Except it wasn't really the water holding him, it was the foundation of Jesus Christ through faith. His faith in Jesus became the substance that held him up in the water.
As long as his eyes were focused on Christ, that foundation was strong. As soon as he looked away, the foundation on which he was standing vanished and he fell. That is where I have been. I have been living my life in the boat, telling at Jesus about these huge waves all around me, but as soon as I step out, I keep focusing on the waves instead of Jesus and so therefore the foundation of faith that should be supporting me is nonexistent and I fall immediately upon stepping out of the boat.
My goal is to become so focused on Jesus that I have a firm foundation to live my life upon. He can give me stability in the middle of the sea in a storm, as long as I keep my eyes focused on him. I am not 100% there yet, but I am trying. But, my love, if I take my eyes off of him, he is right there holding out his hand to pull me back up. He is there for you, too. It doesn't matter who you are, what you have done, he is there for you and he loves you.
So make today the first day of the rest of your life. You can do that every day. Every day, you can make a decision to keep your eyes on him. It has to be a daily decision, sometimes hourly. Waves get huge and scary, and it is so tempting to gawk at them, scream and cry, or run back to the safety of the boat. But, He is always there with open arms waiting to welcome you with love.
Monday, July 6, 2015
Mac N Cheese
Tonight is the first night of alone-ness. All four of my kids are at “Grandma Camp” for the week and my husband is not feeling well so he went to bed at about 6 o’clock. So here I am all by myself. I can’t remember the last time this has happened. I can actually touch the remote! What??!!
At first I felt a sense of elation. It happened before I even made it home while I was going grocery shopping without kids. It only lasted for about 5 seconds, but I felt it! Elation at shopping without kids. Then I remembered something I forgot at the other side of the store and had to turn my really heavy grocery basket around and the elation left. But it felt great while it lasted!
After my husband went to bed, I decided to get caught up on watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix, but I couldn’t figure out the Xbox controller to turn on my hubby's Xbox because his control has no letters on the buttons. It took me several minutes of pressing plain silver buttons to sign him out of his Destiny game and find Netflix. I went back and forth between the same two screens several times. But I finally found my Gilmore Girls!
I got hungry after watching a couple of episodes. It was 8 o’clock, and I argued with myself for a few minutes about whether I should start cooking at that time, but hey, since I am all alone, why not get crazy and cook some mac n cheese. So here is were this story really gets interesting. So, I kind of, ahem, forgot to pay the gas bill and it got cut off, so I couldn’t boil the water for the mac on the stove. I had to use a burner thing that my mother in law was gracious enough to let us borrow ages ago that I never returned and still had stored up in the top cabinet of my kitchen. And since the burner thing doesn’t get as hot as the regular stove top, it took about an hour for my water to boil for my macaroni. I watched the episode of GG where Loralai’s grandmother died and most of the one where Rory goes to spring break before I even saw bubbles.
I was kind of excited to even see some bubbles. I was beginning to think that this burner thing wasn't going to work after all. I sat back down to finish watching Rory and Loralai's antics when I was suddenly surprised by complete darkness. Oh great, the power's out, I thought. But no, there is a light coming from the coffee maker. I looked around and only certain lights were out. That meant it was a breaker. Apparently the burner thing uses too much power to be on the same side of the kitchen as the dishwasher. I felt around for my phone to use the screen as a light so that I could find the breaker. I went from one end of the couch where I had been sitting to the other. No phone. What did I do with it? I just had it. I tried several different light switches and, of course, none of them worked. The bathroom light worked and so did the coffee maker. But none that would provide a source of light in the bedroom where the breaker box is. So, I stumbled over toys that my kids 'forgot' to put away before going to Grandma's and barely made it without falling down. I opened the closet door and felt around in the dark until my hand contacted the cold metal of the box. I remembered that when the breaker blew last time, we flipped one of the bottom breakers and it turned on, so I started from the bottom of the breaker. Luckily, it was the second to last so it came right on. Back to the living room. Oh, there it is! My phone was on the ottoman.
I finally got the noodles cooked and it was time to make the cheese sauce. Ok, time out for a second. There is something I need to explain. I am allergic to wheat so I have to eat completely gluten free. I stopped buying expensive boxes of gluten free mac n cheese years ago because I refuse to pay five dollars for three noodles and a packet of cheese powder. So now I try to make it from scratch, but I am not very good at it so every time I make mac n cheese its an experiment on how to make cheese sauce. Yes, I know, I can look up a recipe online, but what’s the fun in that? Over the weekend, my sister from California and I had a conversation about how to make a good cheese sauce which is probably why I had a craving for mac n cheese. Except we were talking about how to make queso dip. Anyway, we disagreed about how to start the sauce. She told me that it starts with Béchamel. She is absolutely right, except that I am from Louisiana so I start with roux.
I got the butter out of the fridge and cut off half a stick and threw it into the pan. I decided it didn’t look like enough so I threw in the other half. I had a cup of gluten free flour left in the GF Bisquick box after making pancakes last weekend, and it looked like the right amount so I threw that in there to make my roux. I mixed it in with the butter and it did just fine. Then I added some milk to make it creamy. After stirring in the milk, it started looking more like biscuits than roux. I added a little more milk. Still looked like a big biscuit. I ended up adding the rest of the milk that I had in the half gallon jug, which was about three cups. Now my cheese sauce to macaroni ratio is way off. All I needed was about a cup of cheese sauce for my noodles, but between the flour and the milk and the fact that it grew like a biscuit, there was about 6 cups of cheese sauce. So, I removed almost all of the cheese sauce and added the noodles to the remaining sauce.
The mac n cheese was pretty good. Tomorrow I think I’ll make some queso.
At first I felt a sense of elation. It happened before I even made it home while I was going grocery shopping without kids. It only lasted for about 5 seconds, but I felt it! Elation at shopping without kids. Then I remembered something I forgot at the other side of the store and had to turn my really heavy grocery basket around and the elation left. But it felt great while it lasted!
After my husband went to bed, I decided to get caught up on watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix, but I couldn’t figure out the Xbox controller to turn on my hubby's Xbox because his control has no letters on the buttons. It took me several minutes of pressing plain silver buttons to sign him out of his Destiny game and find Netflix. I went back and forth between the same two screens several times. But I finally found my Gilmore Girls!
I got hungry after watching a couple of episodes. It was 8 o’clock, and I argued with myself for a few minutes about whether I should start cooking at that time, but hey, since I am all alone, why not get crazy and cook some mac n cheese. So here is were this story really gets interesting. So, I kind of, ahem, forgot to pay the gas bill and it got cut off, so I couldn’t boil the water for the mac on the stove. I had to use a burner thing that my mother in law was gracious enough to let us borrow ages ago that I never returned and still had stored up in the top cabinet of my kitchen. And since the burner thing doesn’t get as hot as the regular stove top, it took about an hour for my water to boil for my macaroni. I watched the episode of GG where Loralai’s grandmother died and most of the one where Rory goes to spring break before I even saw bubbles.
I was kind of excited to even see some bubbles. I was beginning to think that this burner thing wasn't going to work after all. I sat back down to finish watching Rory and Loralai's antics when I was suddenly surprised by complete darkness. Oh great, the power's out, I thought. But no, there is a light coming from the coffee maker. I looked around and only certain lights were out. That meant it was a breaker. Apparently the burner thing uses too much power to be on the same side of the kitchen as the dishwasher. I felt around for my phone to use the screen as a light so that I could find the breaker. I went from one end of the couch where I had been sitting to the other. No phone. What did I do with it? I just had it. I tried several different light switches and, of course, none of them worked. The bathroom light worked and so did the coffee maker. But none that would provide a source of light in the bedroom where the breaker box is. So, I stumbled over toys that my kids 'forgot' to put away before going to Grandma's and barely made it without falling down. I opened the closet door and felt around in the dark until my hand contacted the cold metal of the box. I remembered that when the breaker blew last time, we flipped one of the bottom breakers and it turned on, so I started from the bottom of the breaker. Luckily, it was the second to last so it came right on. Back to the living room. Oh, there it is! My phone was on the ottoman.
I finally got the noodles cooked and it was time to make the cheese sauce. Ok, time out for a second. There is something I need to explain. I am allergic to wheat so I have to eat completely gluten free. I stopped buying expensive boxes of gluten free mac n cheese years ago because I refuse to pay five dollars for three noodles and a packet of cheese powder. So now I try to make it from scratch, but I am not very good at it so every time I make mac n cheese its an experiment on how to make cheese sauce. Yes, I know, I can look up a recipe online, but what’s the fun in that? Over the weekend, my sister from California and I had a conversation about how to make a good cheese sauce which is probably why I had a craving for mac n cheese. Except we were talking about how to make queso dip. Anyway, we disagreed about how to start the sauce. She told me that it starts with Béchamel. She is absolutely right, except that I am from Louisiana so I start with roux.
I got the butter out of the fridge and cut off half a stick and threw it into the pan. I decided it didn’t look like enough so I threw in the other half. I had a cup of gluten free flour left in the GF Bisquick box after making pancakes last weekend, and it looked like the right amount so I threw that in there to make my roux. I mixed it in with the butter and it did just fine. Then I added some milk to make it creamy. After stirring in the milk, it started looking more like biscuits than roux. I added a little more milk. Still looked like a big biscuit. I ended up adding the rest of the milk that I had in the half gallon jug, which was about three cups. Now my cheese sauce to macaroni ratio is way off. All I needed was about a cup of cheese sauce for my noodles, but between the flour and the milk and the fact that it grew like a biscuit, there was about 6 cups of cheese sauce. So, I removed almost all of the cheese sauce and added the noodles to the remaining sauce.
The mac n cheese was pretty good. Tomorrow I think I’ll make some queso.
Monday, June 29, 2015
The Flip Side
My last post was about how the church has hurt me in the past. I know some of you may be thinking... "So why do you even still go to church?"
Well, a church is not God himself. Every church is made of humans. It should be led by God, but unfortunately many times, it is not. Those are what I call Social Clubs. I mentioned in my last post that I am extremely selective about where I attend. I have learned that there are churches out there that are full of true believers. Now, I will admit that even in these churches, there are people who may not be a true believer, but if a church as a whole is following God to the best of their ability, that is where I want to be.
"How did you figure that out?" You may be thinking. I am a recovering Social Club member. I was part of a Social Club and I was just as judgmental as the rest of them until I went through what I wrote about in my last post. If you didn't read it, here it is: The Social Club.
I stumbled about for years after I was rejected by that church. It was not a church that made me see the truth, but a friend. I wasn't really close to this woman, and I don't keep in touch with her now, but she changed my life. She was a person who had a relationship with Jesus. More than just following an empty religion. She shone with His Light. Everywhere she went you could see the peace that surrounded her. Her life wasn't perfect, she didn't have a lot of money and she struggled sometimes to pay her bills. But she had Hope and Peace that was supernatural. I found that it came from spending time in God's presence. I began to want what she had. I didn't know why or how to have that, but I wanted it desperately. I needed it. I knew about the Bible. I had grown up in church. I knew scripture. But I didn't know how to shine like she did.
The scriptures became real on the night that Jesus came to me. I was lying in bed, crying because of things that were in my life had become so overwhelming. I was depressed and scared that my life was falling apart. I prayed a simple prayer, "Help." Jesus showed up in my room. I couldn't see him like I can see my kids sitting here in the room with me. I felt him. As soon as he entered the room I felt his presence. He put his arms around me and comforted me. He promised me that things would be hard, but that He had a plan for my life. He picked up all the things I had been holding on to so tightly and that were hurting me and took them. In my mind, I saw a huge trash can and he threw away all of those things. Jesus is real and he loves you. He can do this for you too, if you ask Him.
Well, a church is not God himself. Every church is made of humans. It should be led by God, but unfortunately many times, it is not. Those are what I call Social Clubs. I mentioned in my last post that I am extremely selective about where I attend. I have learned that there are churches out there that are full of true believers. Now, I will admit that even in these churches, there are people who may not be a true believer, but if a church as a whole is following God to the best of their ability, that is where I want to be.
"How did you figure that out?" You may be thinking. I am a recovering Social Club member. I was part of a Social Club and I was just as judgmental as the rest of them until I went through what I wrote about in my last post. If you didn't read it, here it is: The Social Club.
I stumbled about for years after I was rejected by that church. It was not a church that made me see the truth, but a friend. I wasn't really close to this woman, and I don't keep in touch with her now, but she changed my life. She was a person who had a relationship with Jesus. More than just following an empty religion. She shone with His Light. Everywhere she went you could see the peace that surrounded her. Her life wasn't perfect, she didn't have a lot of money and she struggled sometimes to pay her bills. But she had Hope and Peace that was supernatural. I found that it came from spending time in God's presence. I began to want what she had. I didn't know why or how to have that, but I wanted it desperately. I needed it. I knew about the Bible. I had grown up in church. I knew scripture. But I didn't know how to shine like she did.
The scriptures became real on the night that Jesus came to me. I was lying in bed, crying because of things that were in my life had become so overwhelming. I was depressed and scared that my life was falling apart. I prayed a simple prayer, "Help." Jesus showed up in my room. I couldn't see him like I can see my kids sitting here in the room with me. I felt him. As soon as he entered the room I felt his presence. He put his arms around me and comforted me. He promised me that things would be hard, but that He had a plan for my life. He picked up all the things I had been holding on to so tightly and that were hurting me and took them. In my mind, I saw a huge trash can and he threw away all of those things. Jesus is real and he loves you. He can do this for you too, if you ask Him.
Saturday, June 27, 2015
The Social Club
My stomach is in knots at the moment over something that happened yesterday that spiraled out of my control.
Here is my post:
Here is my post:
There
are so many people who claim to be Christians that spew so much hatred
to the gay and lesbian community and to different races. I read this
verse this morning and I feel that it really speaks volumes to the way
true Believers of Jesus should behave.
9 Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness. 10 Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him[b] there is no cause for stumbling. 11 But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes. 1 John 2.
Apparently that struck a chord in a lot of people, because I don't usually get a lot of varying comments on my posts. This one I did. There were many people who liked and agreed with it, but there were several that either didn't, or had a lot to say about it. I respect everyone's opinion and I am glad that everyone posted because it made me think a lot more about what I was really saying.
There are many people who have had bad experiences at church and I am one of them. I am someone who really needed the love of Christ in the worst way and people in the church didn't help me. I am hoping to change that. So many churches have strayed so far away from what God intended church to be. I call them Christian Social Clubs. The meet on Sunday morning in their pretty dresses and suits with their hair, make up, and shoes perfectly adorned. They sit with their 3.5 kids and sing 4 hymns, then listen to exactly 30 minutes to a man drone on about something in the Bible and then they go home. The rest of the week they act as if God doesn't exist. This makes me sick. I really can't stand this. These are the people I was talking to in my Facebook post. These are usually the people who are first to judge and they are most often the people who need to change more than anyone else.
I am very very extremely picky about where I attend church. It has to be a place where they dig into God's word and strive to invite His presence into the worship service. It must have outreach and missions to help those who need it. It must be a place where someone can feel welcome and loved. That is what I look for in a church. Why? Because I have been on the receiving end of judgement from churches.
I used to attend one of these Social Club. It was great until I needed help. I enjoyed all of the benefits of the "Club" such as the youth group and activities that we did. I have mentioned in past posts that I had experienced abuse in my past by someone who is not a member of my family. After high school, I hadn't told anyone about the abuse and I was really struggling with life. I think I must have felt safe as long as I was in school, but once I left home and started college, life was a challenge and I had no direction. I was really struggling in my classes after being a good student in high school. I changed my major about as often as I changed my socks. I shaved my head. I slept a lot and at that point I was swirling in and out of depression. I couldn't see a future for myself. I didn't want to die, but I wouldn't have minded going into a coma for several years. I never did drugs or drink because I didn't like the feeling of being out of control of myself, which I felt invited more abuse. I went back to the Social Club I had been attending all through high school. The church that I felt I could trust. I was shunned by the people I thought I could turn to in time of trouble. I didn't even know why I was hurting. I had buried the past so deep that I didn't realize that it was the cause of my pain until years later. The people of that church saw a girl who looked different with her strange clothes and shaved head and didn't want anything to do with her.
No one said a word to me, but if looks could kill, I would have died a thousand deaths. I know that this experience that I went through is mild compared to what others have gone through. I have other experiences at different churches that have not been pleasant, but that is for another day. The point I want to make is that if you are human, you should be welcome at church. You never know what someone is going through in their personal life. Just love them.
I have worked with many gay and lesbian people and I am related to a beautiful woman who is a lesbian. Jesus loves them. I love them. If any of them show up at my house (which they have many times in the past) I would do my best to make them feel welcome and loved. I am not going to exclude them from my life because I don't agree with their lifestyle. I have felt judgement myself and I don't like it. I don't want to do that to anyone else. Period.
9 Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness. 10 Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him[b] there is no cause for stumbling. 11 But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes. 1 John 2.
Apparently that struck a chord in a lot of people, because I don't usually get a lot of varying comments on my posts. This one I did. There were many people who liked and agreed with it, but there were several that either didn't, or had a lot to say about it. I respect everyone's opinion and I am glad that everyone posted because it made me think a lot more about what I was really saying.
There are many people who have had bad experiences at church and I am one of them. I am someone who really needed the love of Christ in the worst way and people in the church didn't help me. I am hoping to change that. So many churches have strayed so far away from what God intended church to be. I call them Christian Social Clubs. The meet on Sunday morning in their pretty dresses and suits with their hair, make up, and shoes perfectly adorned. They sit with their 3.5 kids and sing 4 hymns, then listen to exactly 30 minutes to a man drone on about something in the Bible and then they go home. The rest of the week they act as if God doesn't exist. This makes me sick. I really can't stand this. These are the people I was talking to in my Facebook post. These are usually the people who are first to judge and they are most often the people who need to change more than anyone else.
I am very very extremely picky about where I attend church. It has to be a place where they dig into God's word and strive to invite His presence into the worship service. It must have outreach and missions to help those who need it. It must be a place where someone can feel welcome and loved. That is what I look for in a church. Why? Because I have been on the receiving end of judgement from churches.
I used to attend one of these Social Club. It was great until I needed help. I enjoyed all of the benefits of the "Club" such as the youth group and activities that we did. I have mentioned in past posts that I had experienced abuse in my past by someone who is not a member of my family. After high school, I hadn't told anyone about the abuse and I was really struggling with life. I think I must have felt safe as long as I was in school, but once I left home and started college, life was a challenge and I had no direction. I was really struggling in my classes after being a good student in high school. I changed my major about as often as I changed my socks. I shaved my head. I slept a lot and at that point I was swirling in and out of depression. I couldn't see a future for myself. I didn't want to die, but I wouldn't have minded going into a coma for several years. I never did drugs or drink because I didn't like the feeling of being out of control of myself, which I felt invited more abuse. I went back to the Social Club I had been attending all through high school. The church that I felt I could trust. I was shunned by the people I thought I could turn to in time of trouble. I didn't even know why I was hurting. I had buried the past so deep that I didn't realize that it was the cause of my pain until years later. The people of that church saw a girl who looked different with her strange clothes and shaved head and didn't want anything to do with her.
No one said a word to me, but if looks could kill, I would have died a thousand deaths. I know that this experience that I went through is mild compared to what others have gone through. I have other experiences at different churches that have not been pleasant, but that is for another day. The point I want to make is that if you are human, you should be welcome at church. You never know what someone is going through in their personal life. Just love them.
I have worked with many gay and lesbian people and I am related to a beautiful woman who is a lesbian. Jesus loves them. I love them. If any of them show up at my house (which they have many times in the past) I would do my best to make them feel welcome and loved. I am not going to exclude them from my life because I don't agree with their lifestyle. I have felt judgement myself and I don't like it. I don't want to do that to anyone else. Period.
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig
A while back I posted about putting my kids into public school after homeschooling for 5 1/2 years. I had my reasons, as you can read about in that post.
We decided to wait until the new year began so that they could start fresh. I thought it was the answer that I was looking for. I knew I would have to go to work and I thought it would help me. It would give me a babysitter for 8 hours so I could work and my kids would learn the things that they needed.
Then school started. My oldest loved it. The other two... not so much.
When we were homeschooling our kids, we had the freedom to teach what ever we wanted. The kids could ask questions about anything and we could find the answers together. We had lots of time read beautiful literature and talk about what we learned. My kids could spend hours playing music on their guitars, they loved being outside in nature exploring and observing what was around them, and they could create artwork without having a time limit. We raise rabbits, and they were able to be involved in that, too. They were involved in planting and harvesting our vegetable garden. The kids absorbed it all and learned so much.
At school, life was pushed into the box of what "they" wanted my kids learn. My kids were expected to sit for 8 hours a day while a teacher taught them about life. Instead of experiencing the life cycle of plants by watching them grow in our garden, they saw it on a piece of paper. Instead of counting real money in their hands, they counted it on a piece of paper. Instead of learning about the moon and stars from sitting outside observing them and talking about it, they saw a picture of it on a piece of paper because they had to be in bed in time to get up for school the next morning. Instead of learning songs about the multiplication facts, they had a piece of paper.
I know what you are thinking. Why don't you do all of these things after school, or on the weekends?
Well, this was our schedule:
6:00 Wake up
7:00 Catch the bus
8:00 School Starts
4:00 Get home-start homework
5:00 Play outside if homework is done(it happened occasionally)
6:00 Eat supper
6:30 Clean up
7:00 Finish homework if needed or read (or watch a show on tv)
8:00 Take bath
9:00 Go to bed
If your kids are in school, this may seem normal to you, but to me it seems like prison for a young kid, especially the ones who are right brained, creative thinkers like two of mine are. During the week they hardly had time to play outside. During school, they got about 15 minutes of recess. On the weekends they were so worn out from the week that they didn't want to do any of the fun stuff that they did when they were home. They did play outside some, but it just wasn't the same. When kids get a lot of time to play, they engage their imagination. This is so important in their development. Imagination helps them process what they are learning.
I have heard so many people say that home school kids have no chance to become socialized, but I don't understand how public school actually gives kids a chance to socialize. Teachers yell at the class to be quiet all day. They have 15 minutes to play outside, and part of that is walking in a quiet, straight line to and from the playground. At lunch they are not allowed to speak. They must eat in silence. They are expected to sit still and be quiet all day. Where is all this social time that everyone says homeschool kids are missing out on? Also, to expand on this social issue, if anyone has ever been around homeschooled kids, they will see that socialization is not an issue. In every homeschool group I have ever been a part of, the kids were healthy and vibrant. Not a single one was withdrawn and awkward like the picture that people paint of homeschooled kids. Also, every child that I have experienced that has been schooled at home has a great relationship with their parents. They have an entirely different view of adults. Kids in school are treated much like prisoners and the teachers their wardens, controlling every minute of their day. Kids at home have more of a partnership with their parents. Even the most strict of parents have the respect of their children, and have a deeper relationship than is able to be experienced when kids are in school 8 hours of the day.
I agree that occasionally there are those parents that don't do what they need to do when homeschooling their kids. Those same kids would probably be neglected or abused if they were in school, too. In school and out, unfourtunately there are bad parents, and homeschooling doesn't create bad parents. Bad parents are just bad parents. From my experience, a majority of homeschool families are very healthy and do the things they need for their kids. The neglectful families are the vast minority. Most people school their kids at home so that they can give their children a better life, not to avoid responsibility.
People have asked me if I feel that I can give my kids everything they need by schooling them at home. Do traditionally schooled kids get everything they need? Do teachers cover everything in every textbook every year? Are there no school kids who fall through the cracks? Do schools instill a love of learning? I may miss out teaching my kids something, but they may miss out on something in school, too. However, I can create a love of learning in my kids that is much too often missed in public school. That alone is worth keeping my kids home. Since they have been home, we have studied Pterodactyls, lunar halos, clouds, direction (NESW), Sacagawea, Lewis and Clark, among other things. We have done math with games on the computer and in books. Spelling, grammar, vocabulary, and reading have been meaningfully studied with literature. My kids have not rolled their eyes or resisted anything because it is what they want. They love it. When my parents came for a visit, my 6 yo told my mom details of what we have been studying. When he was in school, when we would ask him what he was learning, all we would get would be a shrug and "I don't know."
My oldest is still in school. It is her choice. She is a left brain thinker and thrives in a school environment. She is also older and can sit quietly for 8 hours without a problem. She has the attention span for a long school day. As long as she in enjoying it, I will support her decision even though I miss having her at home. And for you doubters, I have to brag a little. When she took her last round of tests, my girl that was homeschooled for the previous 5 1/2 years tested higher than almost all of her peers who have been in public school their whole lives. Her reading comprehension is at an 11th grade level. She is in 7th. She made all A's and one B on her first report card. She was invited into the Beta Club. She has 270 AR points in reading, and there is only one girl in the whole school with more. Most of the other kids have 0-10. So I think I have been doing something right!
We decided to wait until the new year began so that they could start fresh. I thought it was the answer that I was looking for. I knew I would have to go to work and I thought it would help me. It would give me a babysitter for 8 hours so I could work and my kids would learn the things that they needed.
Then school started. My oldest loved it. The other two... not so much.
When we were homeschooling our kids, we had the freedom to teach what ever we wanted. The kids could ask questions about anything and we could find the answers together. We had lots of time read beautiful literature and talk about what we learned. My kids could spend hours playing music on their guitars, they loved being outside in nature exploring and observing what was around them, and they could create artwork without having a time limit. We raise rabbits, and they were able to be involved in that, too. They were involved in planting and harvesting our vegetable garden. The kids absorbed it all and learned so much.
At school, life was pushed into the box of what "they" wanted my kids learn. My kids were expected to sit for 8 hours a day while a teacher taught them about life. Instead of experiencing the life cycle of plants by watching them grow in our garden, they saw it on a piece of paper. Instead of counting real money in their hands, they counted it on a piece of paper. Instead of learning about the moon and stars from sitting outside observing them and talking about it, they saw a picture of it on a piece of paper because they had to be in bed in time to get up for school the next morning. Instead of learning songs about the multiplication facts, they had a piece of paper.
I know what you are thinking. Why don't you do all of these things after school, or on the weekends?
Well, this was our schedule:
6:00 Wake up
7:00 Catch the bus
8:00 School Starts
4:00 Get home-start homework
5:00 Play outside if homework is done(it happened occasionally)
6:00 Eat supper
6:30 Clean up
7:00 Finish homework if needed or read (or watch a show on tv)
8:00 Take bath
9:00 Go to bed
If your kids are in school, this may seem normal to you, but to me it seems like prison for a young kid, especially the ones who are right brained, creative thinkers like two of mine are. During the week they hardly had time to play outside. During school, they got about 15 minutes of recess. On the weekends they were so worn out from the week that they didn't want to do any of the fun stuff that they did when they were home. They did play outside some, but it just wasn't the same. When kids get a lot of time to play, they engage their imagination. This is so important in their development. Imagination helps them process what they are learning.
I have heard so many people say that home school kids have no chance to become socialized, but I don't understand how public school actually gives kids a chance to socialize. Teachers yell at the class to be quiet all day. They have 15 minutes to play outside, and part of that is walking in a quiet, straight line to and from the playground. At lunch they are not allowed to speak. They must eat in silence. They are expected to sit still and be quiet all day. Where is all this social time that everyone says homeschool kids are missing out on? Also, to expand on this social issue, if anyone has ever been around homeschooled kids, they will see that socialization is not an issue. In every homeschool group I have ever been a part of, the kids were healthy and vibrant. Not a single one was withdrawn and awkward like the picture that people paint of homeschooled kids. Also, every child that I have experienced that has been schooled at home has a great relationship with their parents. They have an entirely different view of adults. Kids in school are treated much like prisoners and the teachers their wardens, controlling every minute of their day. Kids at home have more of a partnership with their parents. Even the most strict of parents have the respect of their children, and have a deeper relationship than is able to be experienced when kids are in school 8 hours of the day.
I agree that occasionally there are those parents that don't do what they need to do when homeschooling their kids. Those same kids would probably be neglected or abused if they were in school, too. In school and out, unfourtunately there are bad parents, and homeschooling doesn't create bad parents. Bad parents are just bad parents. From my experience, a majority of homeschool families are very healthy and do the things they need for their kids. The neglectful families are the vast minority. Most people school their kids at home so that they can give their children a better life, not to avoid responsibility.
People have asked me if I feel that I can give my kids everything they need by schooling them at home. Do traditionally schooled kids get everything they need? Do teachers cover everything in every textbook every year? Are there no school kids who fall through the cracks? Do schools instill a love of learning? I may miss out teaching my kids something, but they may miss out on something in school, too. However, I can create a love of learning in my kids that is much too often missed in public school. That alone is worth keeping my kids home. Since they have been home, we have studied Pterodactyls, lunar halos, clouds, direction (NESW), Sacagawea, Lewis and Clark, among other things. We have done math with games on the computer and in books. Spelling, grammar, vocabulary, and reading have been meaningfully studied with literature. My kids have not rolled their eyes or resisted anything because it is what they want. They love it. When my parents came for a visit, my 6 yo told my mom details of what we have been studying. When he was in school, when we would ask him what he was learning, all we would get would be a shrug and "I don't know."
My oldest is still in school. It is her choice. She is a left brain thinker and thrives in a school environment. She is also older and can sit quietly for 8 hours without a problem. She has the attention span for a long school day. As long as she in enjoying it, I will support her decision even though I miss having her at home. And for you doubters, I have to brag a little. When she took her last round of tests, my girl that was homeschooled for the previous 5 1/2 years tested higher than almost all of her peers who have been in public school their whole lives. Her reading comprehension is at an 11th grade level. She is in 7th. She made all A's and one B on her first report card. She was invited into the Beta Club. She has 270 AR points in reading, and there is only one girl in the whole school with more. Most of the other kids have 0-10. So I think I have been doing something right!
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