Big 'ole Ugly Tree

I remember a day a few weeks ago when my four year old son fell and skinned his knee. He came to me crying and looking for comfort from his mama. But when I tried to look at it to clean and bandage it, he hid his knee from me and wouldn't let me see it. The Lord reminded me of this a week or two after it happened, and just like He has done so many times with my kids, he taught me some things about myself.
I have wounds that I have hidden from the Lord just like my son hid his wound from me. I have trusted people in my life and given them my heart, but in return they have hurt me and caused me pain which has left me guarding my bruised, wounded heart. I have kept it hidden out of fear; fear of being hurt again, and fear of anyone knowing that it is even there. These wounds were caused from other people sinning against me. They were not wounds that I did anything to cause nor did I deserve them. But I was still afraid to uncover my wounds and let my Great Physician tend to them.
So I kept them covered.
And just like an open wound that is not tended to, my wounds just got worse. Infection set in and I grew hard and calloused. I wouldn't let anyone near me, and like a wounded animal growls at the person who tries to help it, I would snap at those who loved me the most.
Then desire when it is conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. James 1:15
People had allowed their desires to give birth to sin in my life and as that sin grew, I was slowly dying inside. Because of that sin that was (figuratively) birthed into me by other people, a tree was growing in me that was producing the fruit of more sin. The fruit of the Spirit of God is spoken of in Galatians 5:13 and that is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. This is not what was coming from my life. My life more closely matched the verses that come before that list, and what I could identify in those verses that was sprouting forth in my life was hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, dissension, and envy. So even though I was going to church and I appeared to be a "good Christian girl" my life was not the model of what Christ wants for His followers. In fact if you read on in Galatians it says that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. OUCH! Because I refused to let Jesus cleanse my sins, I was keeping myself from such an enormous blessing: God's Kingdom. God wants me to be His little princess in His Kingdom, but I can't do that with a huge tree of sin growing out of my heart.
So finally I let go of it and Jesus removed that tree. He even dug deep to remove the roots that had pushed their way into every area of my life. Jesus died on a tree to remove the sins from my life that were producing bad fruit so that I could be grafted into His Family Tree!
I am the vine and you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit. John 15:5
After He did this He began to whisper to my heart to forgive those who had originally hurt me. "What? Why God? Forgive them?? But what they did was horrible, how can I forgive them?" was my reply. Then he reminded me that our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the powers of this dark world as is says in Ephesians 6:12. And the hurt that I received was due to the sins that were committed against them that had given birth to death and bad fruit in their lives, too. He told me that if I could forgive them that it would do a number of things:
1. Release me from the pain that it caused me every time I thought about it.
2. Allow me to pray for them and develop a love for them.
3. Stop this continuous cycle of hurt from happening to others.
4. He showed me that forgiveness does not excuse what they did. What they did was sin and it was wrong, but it allows me to have peace to know that God is in control and that He will work all things together for my good as it says in Romans 8:28.
Through forgiveness I have found so much peace. I have begun to love people in my life in a way I didn't think I could. There are still some who have hurt me that I keep at a healthy distance and until I see a healing in their lives they will stay there, but I am no longer angry or hurt by them. They don't control me or cloud my view of my King. I now produce the Good Fruit and His Light is able to shine in me and through me.
Do you have a big ugly sin tree growing in your life? Are you chained by unforgiveness? Ask Him to deliver you and He is so faithful, He will do it!!
For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son so that whosoever should believe in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16

The Touch

I have been thinking a lot lately about the woman who touched the hem of Jesus' garment. It keeps getting brought to my attention. I have been praying for wisdom about healing so I feel that the fact that I keep hearing about it or being reminded about it is very important. I like what Bill Johnson says about it in "Hosting the Presence", that basically she raised the healing bar. No one had been healed by touching fabric until that point; it had never been done before. She had so much faith in Jesus that I don't think it occured to her that it may not work. She was so focused on Jesus that she had no doubt.
This morning as I was meditating on this, I was picturing myself as this woman kneeling next to Jesus, trying to imagine what her thoughts would have been like, or what my thoughts would be if I were in her situation. She was an outcast because at that time Jews saw blood as "unclean." She must have felt unworthy to stand up and face Jesus because she knew she was unclean. She had been shunned by religious leaders in her local temple because they had to undergo cleansing rituals each time they touched anything deemed unclean. It was too much work.

Everyone in her community knew about her. They had no television, no Directv, cable, or internet. There was no American Idol or Facebook to keep them entertained. Everyone knew every detail about each other because that WAS their entertainment. They knew about her condition. They knew if they were caught associating with her they would have to go to the temple and go through all the cleansing rituals that were expected of them. It was inconvenient.

I know this is extremely silly, but it reminds me of the "cheese touch" from one of my kids favorite movies, Diary of a Wimpy Kid. In this movie, if one of the kids at Greg Heffley's school touched this piece of dried up moldy cheese that was left on the ground at recess the kids would yell, "He's got the cheese touch," and suddenly no one would go near this unfortunate kid. I know this is such a silly comparison, but its human nature isn't it? Have you ever had something happen to you that made you unpopular or stand out in a crowd? It hurts, doesn't it? And once a person is labeled with something by society, its hard to undo that. Its hard to change people's perception of a person once they have been deemed unworthy.

So this is the woman who touched Jesus: unclean and unpopular. She tried to do it secretly without anyone knowing. "If I can only touch the edge of his robe, i will be free," she may have been thinking. "No one will notice"

But Jesus noticed.

Praise God, Jesus noticed! He knew exactly who touched him, but He took the time to single her out. He didnt have to ask the crowd who it was any more than God had to ask where Adam was in the garden. He wanted to lift her up and recognize her in front of the crowd. He was so respected and revered by the masses, he knew that if he recognized her and lifted her up in front of her community, the people who had once shunned her would now accept her. The stigma that she once had of being unclean would be washed away.

Kinda like if the most popular kid in school would have befriended the "cheese touch" kid.
She humbly sought Jesus' healing and He not only healed the issue of blood, he healed her emotionally by reconciling her place in the community because he talked to her face to face, something I am sure none of the religious leaders would have done. He took an outcast and made her so very special. He made her His equal. THAT is why He came to this earth. We are joint heirs, God looks at us exactly the same way He looks at Jesus and he loves the dirty broken ones just as much as the shiny perfect ones (maybe a little bit more).

So I say to YOU, "GET READY!" Get ready to be lifted up when you humbly come before Him. Focus your eyes on Him so that you will have no doubt that you will be touched and changed. Get ready for Him to wash you clean and bring you to a position where you are his equal, a child of the Living God, joint heir with Christ.

''Father of Lights"Jesus Culture (Chicago 2011)

Who I am in Christ

When I was going through depression, a friend gave me the book Victory over the Darkness by Neil T. Anderson.  It was completely life changing and I definitely recommend reading it, but what I want to share with you is a list of verses from this book that is so powerful if you meditate on it and let it seep into you and transform you.  Most of the verses I have heard since I was in Sunday School as a child (so they may be familiar to you too) but there is something about having them all on one list and really focusing on them daily that is so different from just reading each verse one at a time.

Who am I?

• I am the salt of the earth (Matt. 5:13)
• I am the light of the world (Matt.5:14)
• I am a child of God (John 1:2)
• I am part of the true vine, a channel of Christ's life (John 15:1,5) 
• I am Christ's friend (John 15:15)
• I am chosen and appointed by Christ to bear His fruit (John 15:16)
• I am a slave of righteousness (Rom 6:18)
• I am enslaved to God (Rom 6:22)
• I am a son of God; God is spiritually my Father (Rom 8: 14,15; Gal 3:26,4:6)
• I am joint heir with Christ, sharing His inheritance with Him (Rom 8:17)
• I am a temple-a dwelling place-of God.  His Spirit and His life dwell in me (1Cor 12:27; Eph 5:30)
• I am a new creation (2 Cor 5:17)
• I am reconciled to God and am a minister of reconciliation (2 Cor 5:18,19)
• I am a son of God and one in Christ (Gal 4:6,7)
• I am an heir of God since I am a son of God (Gal 4: 6,7)
• I am a saint (1 Cor 1:2; Eph 1:1; Phil 1:1; Col 1:1)
• I am God's workmanship-His handiwork-born anew in Christ to do His work (Eph 2:10)
• I am a fellow citizen with the rest of God's family (Eph 2:19)
• I am a prisoner of Christ (Eph 3:1, 4:1)
• I am righteous and holy (Eph 4:24)
• I am a citizen of heaven, seated in heaven right now (Eph 2:6; Phil 3:20)
• I am hidden with Christ in God (Col 3:3)
• I am an expression of the life of Christ because He is my life (Col 3:4)
• I am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved (Col 3:12; 1 Thess 1:4)
• I am a son of light and not of darkness (1 Thess 5:5)
• I am a holy partaker of a heavenly calling (Heb 3:1)
• I am a partaker of Christ; I share in His life (Heb 3:14)
• I am one of God's living stones, being built up in Christ as a spiritual house (1 Pet 2:5)
• I am a member of a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession (1Pet 2:9,10)
• I am an alien and stranger to this world in which I temporarily live (1 Pet 2:11)
• I am an enemy of the devil (1Pet 5:18)
• I am a child of God and I will resemble Christ when He returns (1John 3:1,2)
• I am born of God, and the evil one-the devil-cannot touch me (1John 5:18)
• I am not the great "I am", but by the grace of God, I am what I am (1Cor 15:10)

That last one is my favorite and it always makes me smile.  "I am what I am."  I love it.  There are a few that stand out as favorites for me and I thought about typing them in italics so that they would stand out, but I decided to let you choose which ones are your favorites and really speak to you in your situation.  If you really read these verses and meditate on them daily (and I don't mean that you have to read each verse every day, you could pick certain ones or just one each day and focus on it) You will not help but be changed.  Just allow the truth to lift you up and give you the strength that you need.  God Bless! I love you!

Pain

I place my pain 

                         on a platter,

And ice it like a cake.

They eat it up and love it so 

Cuz they don't know its fake.  

Smiles have been my 

                                   drug of choice 

They've always worked so well,

To hide the struggle deep 

Within this eternal

Silent hell.

I stand up to face 

                             myself

In a mirror made of glass.

When I see my own reflection,

"Who is that," is what

I ask.

On the floor lies

                          pictures 

Of broken promises

And broken dreams.

It took too long to realize

That life's not what it seems.

I've wandered so long

                                     inside

This carnival mirrored maze,

And trying to escape 

Only put me in a daze.  

I called for 

                  help

And You heard me,

Then offered me Your

Hand

I am on my 

                   way 

And it may take a while

So stay by me, 

My Friend. 

                      

                      

                      

Sweet Morning

This morning I woke up at six so I could spend time with the Lord.  So I sat on my couch with my laptop which has the Beth Moore study that I am doing and next to that is my bag which contains my Bible, journals, and the book to go along with the study.  I had all of that ready to go, but instead of jumping into the Bible study I had a longing to sit and enjoy just being in the presence of God in the early quiet hours of the morning.  Well, Callie Bug has not yet discovered how wonderful sleep can be and she was wide awake with me this morning.

All morning long, every time I put her down she cried.  She wanted to be attached to me.  One year old babies have a tendency to be completely self absorbed and are so unaware of the big world that is beyond what they can see.  No matter how self absorbed any baby is, that precious child still has a longing to be with her mother or father and this morning and Callie is perfectly happy just sitting on my lap.  She is not playing with any toys.  She is not asleep.  She is just sitting on my lap soaking up the close bond that she and I share.

I think when Jesus taught about child-like faith, this is one aspect of what he was talking about.  We should long for time with God just as a baby longs to just be near to her mother and hold her close.  He wants a relationship with us more than anything else.  Bible studies are wonderful and I really can hardly wait to find out what wisdom Beth Moore will share when I watch the DVD that is waiting in my computer's disc drive.  But if I put all of my attention on that study and neglect the relationship with my Papa then what good is a Bible study?  If I feed my baby, change her diaper, bathe her and take care of all of her basic needs then I am an OK parent.  But if I neglect spending time with her, holding her, cuddling, singing, playing peek-a-boo, then I am missing out on such a special aspect of our relationship.

With God it is the same.  There is so much more to God than all of the "hard work" of studying His word,  attending church, and bible studies (not really hard but just to make a point). These things are necessary to grow as a believer in Christ, but a relationship is what God desires.  Our Papa longs for those sweet moments when we raise our arms up and ask Him to pull us up on his lap and enjoy just being near Him.  Those are the moments that heal our wounds.  More than any Bible study can. Don't get me wrong, studying God's word definitely can heal wounds and I have verses that I cling to that bring new life to me.  But nothing can replace time with the Father.  Just being in his presence gives me so much hope and joy and a renewed energy.  That is when He picks up the pieces of my broken heart and carefully mends them back together.

Fatherless and the Widow

I asked God to tell me how I can help the "fatherless and the widow."

He told me that anyone without Jesus falls into that category.  Without Jesus you can't be the bride of Christ.  Without Jesus, you can not be reconciled to the Father. 

Safe Place- Enter The Worship Circle

This is a song that has helped me through my tough times.  When I felt my life was unstable, unsafe, and unpredictable, I would listen to this song and know that my safe place was in Christ Jesus.  Sometimes I would put this song on repeat and just listen to it over and over again.

This is Where it Begins

That title is what I wrote in my journal about a month ago because I felt that that page was important for some reason.  I had no idea that God would be leading me to share it.

Then the Lord said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil." Job 1:8

Am I living a life that stands out to God? Is my faith so strong that I can withstand hardship and never turn my back on God?  God chose Job, not Satan in the above passage.  God saw a quality in Job that made him stand out.  God knew that Job had faith that was so deep that even if he went through the most horrible of trials, he would be faithful.  It is an honor to be chosen for hardship.  In my opinion, if I am not going through hard times then I am not on the right path.  James 1:2-3 says "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."  Job lost every single thing that he had.  His flock, his oxen that plowed his field, donkeys, sheep, servants, and every single one of his children.  Job was a very rich man and every thing he owned was taken from him, but he still praised God!  And he was blessed for it!

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised those who love him.  James 1:12

I have been going through problems in my life because God wants to develop perseverance in me.  He wants to develop me into a mature and complete being.  While I am going through these trials I can ask God for the wisdom I need to get through them.

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.   James 1:5

After Job lost everything, Satan came back for more and struck him with a painful skin disease.  Job's own wife told Job to curse God for all that happened to him, but through it all Job stayed true to his faith.  I can relate to Job because I have been through so many hard times in my own life.  I am a sexual abuse survivor. Because of this I have had a hard time in the every day struggles of life.  I have lived through an increasingly turbulent marriage for 15 years to my husband who is now separated from me.  I have been so poor that I have had to make hard decisions like either pay bills or buy groceries for my family.  I have lived through depression, denial, fear, anxiety, stress, not knowing if I could get through each day to the next.  I have struggled with health problems associated with a wheat intolerance that I have slipped in and out of denial about.  I have felt like I have not been good enough to just be myself, the person God created me to be.

Through it all I have doubled myself and my own humanity, but I have peace knowing that I never doubted that God was in control of it all.  I remember very vividly lying in bed one day about four years ago in deep depression because I thought my situation was hopeless and I cried out to my Lord.   Suddenly I could almost tangibly feel His loving arms around me.  He whispered to my heart and told me that He was there in the midst of so much heartache.  At that moment I gave it all to him.  All of those things that I had been holding in.  All the trash in my life that was keeping me down and depressed, I could just feel being lifted out of me and I knew I would be ok.  Right now at this moment I am in a much better place than I was then and I can have hope knowing that my story could possibly help someone else get through a tough time.  My life is so far from perfect right now, but God is still working on it.  I can still feel it just like I did that day and I feel it every single day.  He is still whispering to my heart.  Can you hear Him whispering to yours?

I named this Blog "Super Glue for my Broken Heart" because that I what I feel Jesus was to me.  After so much heartache and heartbreak, He is healing me one day at a time.  Picking up the pieces of my life and making me whole again.  I am hoping and praying that reading about my experiences, that you will experience healing in a miraculous way.  If you don't need healing, I pray that your faith is deepened and stretched into something that you didn't even know could exist.

Lord, Thank you for broken hearts because this is where I find my trust in you. Let me do your will in my life today.  

The Reason for this Blog

In my life I have had many fears.  What it really boils down to is that  I have been afraid to just be myself.  I have had a lot of things in my life shatter who I am down to my core being and I am in the process of rebuilding myself.  One of the fears that I have had is the fear of letting people see who I am inside, deep deep down, and part of that is letting people into my world of writing.  I am by nature a writer.  I have always written about everything in my journal and up until now it has been for my eyes only.  I feel that God is beginning to lead me into a new phase in my life where I share that secret world with my family, friends, and now apparently the universe (or anyone who happens upon this blog). So here goes nothing...